


Eyes Closed

by Kkane88



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Coming Out, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:48:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26020669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kkane88/pseuds/Kkane88
Summary: Jonny wants to tell people they're together, but Patrick's scared.
Relationships: Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews
Comments: 6
Kudos: 111
Collections: Discord 2





	Eyes Closed

**Author's Note:**

> Minor trigger warnings for anxiety about coming out.
> 
> For the discord prompt: "You're hiding part of yourself and that's not fair"

Jonny hasn't spoken to Patrick in 5 days. Patrick has felt every second of the silence, the minutes ticking by, trying to convince himself not to pick up the phone and call Jonny, corner him after practice, follow him home and make him sit down and _talk_. It wouldn't help. It wouldn't change anything.

Because Jonny was right. _"You're a coward,"_ he'd said. _"You're hiding part of yourself away from everyone! You say you love me, but then you say we can't tell anyone that we're together? Not Sharpy, Duncs, Seabs… not even our families? We can't keep doing this._ I _can't keep doing this."_

 _"I'm fucking scared, Jon!"_ Patrick had yelled back. _"What do you want me to do?"_

 _"I want you to stop hiding,"_ Jon said, suddenly quiet. _"I want you to let yourself be_ happy. _You're afraid they're going to reject you for who you are and you're afraid to let people in and… Patrick I love you, but that's not fair. Not to you_ or _me. I can't keep hiding us like this, okay? I'm sorry."_ And then he'd left. Just walked out and hasn't looked back since.

So safe to say that when Patrick knocks on Sharpy's door 5 days later, he's a nervous wreck. Jon was right; he's been afraid that his friends and family would reject him. He hasn't _trusted_ them, and if he wants to be with Jonny for real, forever, he can't keep hiding. Sharpy doesn't look surprised to see him when he opens the door, just pulls him into a hug and then steps back to guide Patrick to the couch. He leaves the room without a word and comes back with a bottle of beer, which he hands to Patrick.

"Nice to see you, Peeks. Hope everything's well, we've missed you, and all that," he finally says, sitting down next to Patrick on the couch and turning so they're facing each other. "Great! Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, what's going on with you and Tazer?" With anyone else it would be rude, but Patrick can see the concern in Sharpy's eyes. And honestly, Patrick's hands are shaking so bad, his voice will probably be even worse, and he's really, _really_ ready to get this over with. But when he opens his mouth, nothing comes out. He takes a big gulp of the beer instead, reminding himself that this is Sharpy. If Sharpy stuck with him through all of the other shit Patrick's done, is this really gonna scare him off? He doesn't know. He hopes not. Either way, he has to know.

"We're in a relationship," he says quick, like ripping off a band aid, as soon as he can find his voice. "Me and Jonny, I mean." He can't make himself look at Sharpy and he gets more and more nervous as the seconds tick by without Sharpy saying a word. And then:

"Yeah," Sharpy says. It's not… confused or disgusted, like Patrick expected it would be. It's more like a _yeah, and?_ and Patrick's eyes flick up to Sharpy's face. Sharpy looks back impassively, rasises an eyebrow and waves his hand like _continue_. Patrick doesn't know what to say. Did Sharpy not understand?

"I mean we're… dating? Like he's my boyfriend?" He doesn't mean for it to come out as a question, but this conversation is not going at all like he thought it would.

"Yeah, Kaner, I know," Sharpy says, and now he sounds confused.

"You _know?_ What the fuck do you mean you know? Did Jonny tell you?" If Jonny told Sharpy without talking to him first, Patrick's going to kill him.

"No," Sharpy says slowly. "I mean, he didn't have to. I didn't know for _sure_ , but I've known you both long enough that it was hard to miss it when you figured your shit out." Patrick sits there dumbly with his jaw dropped, trying to shift his world view. Sharpy knows? Has apparently known for a long time? And he's okay with it?

"You're okay with it?" he asks.

"Of course, Kaner." He sounds a weird mix of soothing and offended, like he's realizing how freaked out Patrick is and doesn't want to spook him but he's hurt Patrick even asked. "I've never seen you two happier. Well, right up until this week. Which brings me to my original question. What's going on with you two?"

Patrick blinks at him. "Uh, we broke up, I think? We're fighting at least. He, uh…" Patrick has to clear his throat. "He was upset because I didn't wanna tell anyone about us and he said he couldn't keep hiding and then he hasn't talked to me since. So now I'm here telling you and hoping you won't turn into a homophobic asshole so that I can have my boyfriend back."

"Ah," Sharpy says, and then after a second, "Do you maybe wanna call him and tell him to come over here?"

"No!" Patrick shouts before Sharpy even finishes his sentence. "I can't. I didn't tell him I was doing this." He's such a hypocrite. He didn't want Jonny to say anything without his permission, and now he just goes behind Jonny's back and does it? Patrick stands up, suddenly panicked. "I should've talked to him first. Oh god. I have to go," he says, turning towards the door. "Pretend I never said anything." He makes a break for the exit, but Sharpy's suddenly there, blocking his way.

"Patrick, calm down." He's so startled at Sharpy calling him Patrick that it cuts right through his panic. "Go sit down, okay? Finish your beer. I'm going to call Jonny and ask him to come over here and talk to you. I won't tell him what you said and you two can talk on neutral ground, alright?" Patrick eyes the door again, but nods and does what he's told. Sharpy doesn't seem to be freaking out and he's always looked out for Patrick like a brother. He really, really hopes he didn't screw everything up even worse. Jonny's so important to him and he doesn't want to lose him. Sharpy leaves the room to call Jonny and doesn't come back in the 15-ish minutes it takes for Jonny to ring the doorbell. Patrick's heart is in his throat, his hands shaking again as Jonny walks in the room and crouches in front of him. Patrick doesn't know what his face looks like, but Jonny takes his hands and runs his thumbs over Patrick's knuckles soothingly.

"We should talk, eh?" Jonny says quietly.

"I told Sharpy," Patrick blurts. He just… he needs Jonny to know that Patrick's not ashamed of him, no matter what. "I'm sorry, I should've told you I was going to but I just panicked."

"Hey, it's ok," Jonny assures him, moving to sit next to him, wrapping an arm around Patrick's shoulders. "It's fine, Pat. I wanted to tell him anyway, you know that." It's probably meant to be soothing, but the guilt floods through him and then he's crying, sobbing into Jonny's shoulder when Jonny guides his head down. He presses closer, moving to straddle Jonny's lap so he's as close as he can possibly get. He's _missed_ him, not used to going so long without talking, and the feeling of Jonny's hand stroking up and down over his back is like a balm over a wound.

"I love you," Patrick chokes out once he finally calms down, face still pressed against Jonny's neck. "I'm not ashamed of you or of who I am, okay? I'm…" he has to think for a second. He's afraid the people he's closest to in his life will hate him, just for dating Jonny. He doesn't know why he's never thought of it this way before, or why his brain decided now was the time to switch gears, but "I guess if they hate me for being in love with you, then they shouldn't be a part of my life anyway, huh?"

"That's what I was kinda hoping you'd realize." Jonny turns his head to press a kiss to Patrick's temple. "They love us, Pat. I really believe they'll support us. I'm not asking to tell the entire world, but starting with Sharpy's good."

"I don't think I'm ready to tell my family," Patrick admits. It's mostly his dad he's worried about. He just… doesn't know what to expect. "But we can tell yours, if you want. Maybe Duncs and Seabs. But, like, not all at once."

"Whatever you want," Jonny agrees. "As long as we can start with maman. She'll kill me if she's the last to know." Patrick has to pick his head up and smile at Jonny then. It's a little watery; his body feels wrung out and he's in desperate need of a nap, but for the first time in 5 days he feels like everything might be ok. He leans down and presses his lips to Jonny's, sinking into the familiarity of it and letting it soothe his nerves.

"You better not be making out on my couch like teenagers." Patrick jerks back, almost falling off the couch before Jonny catches him. Sharpy's standing in the doorway grinning at them like an idiot. "I'm really happy for you guys, but I think it's probably time for you to go home. My children sit on that couch." Jonny laughs as Patrick stands up and makes his way across the room to Sharpy, pulling him into a big hug. Sharpy doesn't hesitate, hugging Patrick just as tightly.

"Thanks for not being a homophobic asshole," Patrick mumbles, pulling away. He smiles when Jonny comes over and links their fingers, punching Sharpy on the shoulder.

"Don't make him cry again or I'll have to kill you," Sharpy tells Jon, looking like he's maybe only half joking. "That's my son." Jonny smiles and looks down at Patrick.

"I'll do my best to make him happy for the rest of his life."

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr @:  
> [kkane88](https://kkane88.tumblr.com/)  
> [kwriteshockey](https://kwriteshockey.tumblr.com//)


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